Honestly,

I have recently been blown away by honesty; honesty in people. Now that is hard to come by these days.

 I have been somewhat afraid of honesty for awhile. Not of the good-feeling kind of honesty that is easy to hear, but of the honesty that is hard to hear and to even say. The kind of honesty that you know beforehand could hurt either yourself or someone else you care about. I think from the time we are little kids, our culture, friends, even families sometimes, teach us (subconsciously) that being brutally honest is wrong. We are taught to be careful what to say so that we don't hurt other people's feelings. We grow up thinking that we should be ashamed of our short-comings and faults. Little kids make up stories... I think partly because they don't feel like the truth gets much attention. Now, I know that little kids also have incredible imaginations that are hard to contain at times, but I don't think that is the whole reason. All I'm saying is that as we grow up, made-up stories STILL get more attention. Maybe adults don't technically "make-up" stories, but they take out the bad stuff.  

Honesty is a weird concept. It shouldn't be, but our culture has so twisted it into a far off idea. Honesty can be one of the most difficult things you will experience in life. It can be one of the greatest. No matter how honesty comes about, painful or encouraging, easy or tough, I believe that honesty is pretty much always healing. Maybe not at the moment... maybe not for years (many times, probably). But eventually, I think it's what we need. I have heard some really tough truths already (and I'm only 18!). I can't imagine what other "tough truths" will come throughout my life. But I have also experienced great and wonderful truths. Simple truths, even. Truths about my Savior. Truths about people who love me. Truths about how people may really be feeling. That's a big one. We are so stuck in the mindset of fending for ourselves, taking care of me,  that somewhere along the way we decide that it would be much easier if people, even our closest friends and family, didn't know how we are feeling. We decide that if we can learn to hide our happiness, hurt, struggle, and joy, we will all get along with each other much more easily. Easily?? We hear that word and come running. So we train ourselves to hold grudges instead of confronting someone, to cry at night so we won't cry in front of our friends, and to hide our joy so we don't make people uncomfortable.

Honesty is, ironically, really hard for me. But I am learning that it shouldn't be. I am learning that the people who really care about me and love me won't judge me for how I am feeling. I have amazing people in my life that truly hold all judgement at the door. And if people do judge, I think that just means that they haven't learned how to be honest either. 

I'm definitely not all the way to the place I need to be with this, so cut me some slack (or slap me and tell me to get over it).